Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
