Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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