Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
