best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
