arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
