ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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