Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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