He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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