so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
