The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
