Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
