He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
