only if we run a train.
done.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
