this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
