I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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