i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
