My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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