i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize