So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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