Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
