I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dicks are not precious.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
