We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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