did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
