Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
