Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
