So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
