Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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