about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
