I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
