Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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