Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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