how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
