Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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