Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
