so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
