I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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