I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
