Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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