1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
