After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
