please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
