you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
