32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
