I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
