Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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