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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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