Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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