I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
