Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
