DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
