just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
