There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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